today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

Dear Oasis of my Life,

Part 2 of our suicide prevention class complete and now I am a certified suicide prevention guy. Interesting fact: Canadians made the program that we completed just today. Another interesting fact: there is a Canadian physician in the class that works in the TMC and I think she might be crazy. Nice though. But maybe crazy. Of course the scenario I acted out (where I was the victim, not the care giver) was of course the coolest. My situation was I was on a bridge (of course all of the scenarios or a bit morbid cuz, well, it's suicide prevention) and CPT Banks had to save me. My reasons were I tried out with my band to American Idol but got laughed off stage and it went viral so I kept getting cyber bullied by everyone. The band took off and I was left alone. Of course, the one thing that saved me was the fact that the Renassaunce fair was coming up and that I have mad bow staff skills, Richard got me to commit to coming off the ledge if I could show him some of my bow staff skills. Of course my Rennassaince name was Maximus Aeraleus.

After class I finished my letters for the kids I committed to. Hopefully tomorrow I can send them out. Otherwise I ate a hamburger and milkshake at the difac. Didn't have time for much else. But accomplished my goal.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 4am, run, read scriptures, workout, and find one person that looks like they need a hug and give them one. I may substitute that with a nice word instead.

I realized during my class that 1) life is VERY delicate and many had experiences with others that it was just one event that took them from being completely stable to suicidal. We just can't take anything for granted and must keep an attitude of gratitude always, never get complacent, and keep a firm foundation beneath us and sturdy grasp on the iron rod because we never know when the ground my rattle out from under us or a gust of wind my sweep us up. 2) helping other people is sometimes a huge seemingly insurmountable task with great burden like, for instance, talking someone out of killing themselves. Of course not the norm but sometimes our service comes with high stakes and lots of pressure. Fortunately the greatest take away lesson I got from the class is that you don't have to fix them! just be there. That was like a revelation to me. Of course we learned certain strategies and a framework to follow and they are absolutely important, but in the end, it didn't matter so much what you said, it was being there and caring that mattered. In fact, just to stand there in silence is sometimes okay in certain situations. I thought that was really enlightening. When it comes to service, or being a missionary, sometimes I worry about saying the right thing, or worse, saying the wrong thing. But none of that matters. It just matters that you are there for them at the right time. This makes sense because it isn't us that does the service, or healing, or soothing, or fixing. It is Christ. If we can be there with the right attitude, we can carry the influence of the spirit which does all the work. We may assist it by providing the best environment to work in, but the work is done by the spirit. That little gem came like a huge relief. Being of service is as simple as opening your mouth. That's it. Let the rest just happen. And it works!

So I am trying to open my mouth more.

What a gift that we can hold to each other and hold to the never failing iron rod of the gospel. What a relief that even in parenting we don't have to worry so much about the exact words or tactics (though they can always help) but rely first on the sprit and second on just being there and showing love and knowing that that will always be enough. That brings a lot of confidence to me.

I appreciate you, that you're the mother of my children and carry yourself with love and with the spirit and divinity.

By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do... I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now...I said, maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me....

Anyways,

Love ya!