Now that you are home

I have been meaning to write a welcome home letter to you on here for sometime but am finally actually doing it.

I love having you home. I love watching you with our kids, I love watching you with other people, I love watching you with me.

I feel more appreciative for all the little things that you so willingly take care of. I love that when I am having a hard day just the sight of you lifts my spirits so much. I know that we are perfect for each other, there is no doubt in my mind that we have our perfect relationship.

I am excited for our new adventures together. The world sure feels like a crazy and confused place but I know that we can create a refuge from the storm and find peace there as a family no matter where we are, if we build and strengthen our family and center it on Christ we can find peace and strength that we lack as individuals. I know I have been slacking on my part and I have a strong desire to follow Christ and I am trying to align my actions with my desires at the moment. I am committing to you now to be better every day. To smile a little more, to serve a little more, to study a lot more and to help our children to do the same.

I want us to last forever and if we want something to last forever we need to fortify it now so it will withstand the storms of life.

I want to be with you in the eternities surrounded by our little Pilgrim army of crazy kiddos, and their kiddos and on and on.

Your eternal partner.

Me

Im sorry I am crazy

I hope you know how much I love you. I love having you home and getting to snuggle in close to you each night. I love to see you with our kids and how amazing you are. You are a wonderful father who they all adore. and for good reason. I appreciate how easy you make it seem to just play and have fun with the kids. I am grateful for the time and effort you put in to taking each moment with them.

I am having a hard time right now and I am going to chalk it up to stressing about the move, the house, the whole unknown country thing and getting everyone and everything there and settled. moving a few times has definitely shown me how stressed I get and I want to apologize for my many crazy mood swings. If i am not forcefully trying to make myself smile right now I just don't feel it. I feel that I am running on auto pilot and it is frustrating to me because I just want to enjoy life and the summer and the kids but I feel so tied up in knots inside it is a constant struggle to maintain my emotions. I honestly brake out in tears in the most random of places, who knows what could set me off, could be a commercial about a puppy, an controversial story on Facebook, or a bird flying by. I feel like a crazy person and I know it has come out on our kids and you and for that I am truly sorry. I want to be the best person for this job but so often I feel so under qualified for everything. I want to want to cook, clean, take care of everything but I somedays just can't get myself to do it and you are wonderful to come home after working hard all day to pick up the slack but often having you do it just makes me feel worse about myself for not having it done that I spiral back down.

I just want you to know how much I love you and how thankful I am for each and everything you do. I know the best medicine for me is to have your arms around me and your body next to mine. I want you to know that I am trying and I will get better.

I love you so so so so much!!!
you are my everything and as long as we can be together I am the happiest person in the world. I adore you.

your slightly bipolar wife who still loves you despite being crazy.

Ali